Part 2.... Delivery room prophesy

I know that I tend to be a little long but I do ask that if you haven't read part one to this segment yet, scroll down and read that first to tell you how we got to where we are. I broke it up hoping that you didn't get overwhelmed by the read and stop because both post are too good to not give full credit to...in such different ways.

So, we are pregnant...so says the 3 pregnancy tests that sit on the counter. This was Wednesday, July 4. The next morning, I called my doctor who is my regular doctor. She also does well woman check up's but does not follow pregnancies. I called and they told me to go ahead and come in. They'll do the first appointment, blood work, test to confirm pregnancy, and then refer me out to an OB. They scheduled the appointment for Friday morning. The family I work for was still at the beach so this worked out perfectly. Cory decided to take off work to come along and be supportive which was so sweet! I was thrilled but continuously assured him over and over, "You know, it's not going to be anything special. It's not like we're going to see the baby or anything. It's too early. They will just do tests." He then repeatedly told me that he didn't care. It was my first appointment and he was going to be there for me. So on we go to the doctor together...

They called us back and then I heard those dreadful words "Go ahead and take all of your clothes off and you can use this (a napkin basically...I mean like the thinnest one I've ever seen) to cover up with.  Yuck...but who does like doing this? I was trying to "woman up" and just do it because it was just the beginning of this long journey of discomfort and immodesty that pregnancy/childbirth is. So I follow the directions and lay down while beginning to explain to Cory everything that's about to happen like what a pap smear is and all that it involves. That was followed by my dearest husband saying things like, "You're just laying there naked with a shoulder pad napkin on. HAHAHA." I then lovingly tell him that this was the most vulnerable position to be in and if he was going to crack jokes, he could do it in the waiting room. Just to clear up any question, we weren't fighting. It was more of a playful, yet serious banter.

Hah...He then apologizes and confesses that he doesn't know how to deal with super anxious situations like this except to revert to humor but that it shouldn't be at my expense. So if you didn't know this about Cory, he is very queasy talking about medical things and such. So we continue to wait together as he tries to avoid the reality of what was about to happen. Then he said a few things like, "Thanks for getting your pap smeared for our family." and "How many times will you have to do this?"

These quotes were interrupted with my sweet doctor opening the door and saying, "Congratulations mom and dad! You're pregnant!" She then explained along with her nurse what they would do during the appointment. Up came the stirrups and out came the speculum. You know the rest. Cory came over and stood next to me holding my hand. They have the speculum in place about to do the deed. I was not looking at Cory knowing it would make it worse for him and then all of the sudden, I saw/felt his torso hit the bed next to me and for a second, I was thinking, "Is he trying to like snuggle with me right now?"

That's when I realized, this was bad. He passed out but it wasn't one of those where people "pass smooth out". There was nothing smooth about it. It was incredibly violent. His 6' 3" self passed out, hit the table where I was laying, fell again and hit the side of the table which cut his eye and was followed by an intense fall to the floor. When I realized what was happening, I grabbed his arm trying to brace his fall to the floor but it all happened so fast. Even knowing that he gets queasy about stuff like this, I just had so much adrenaline in me already because of the awkwardness of laying there naked and now since he passed out. I started FREAKING out. Completely freaking out. I started screaming and trying to brace his fall while the doctor yells at me, "Hannah! DON'T MOVE!" because the speculum was in and I was reaching off the bed toward my basically unconscious husband. He tried to pick himself up and kept falling repeatedly over. It is quite hilarious now but at the time, it was such a sad thing to see my strong husband be so helpless in that moment as he tried to pick his head up with continuous fails. Well, the nurse calls for backup. The doctor takes the speculum out. My doctor looked at me as they propped Cory up against the wall and said, "I know who won't be in the delivery room."

Cory had random mumblings of, "I don't know what happened. I just had a really bad dream! I'm sorry this is not about me. It's supposed to be about you. I'm sorry...I'm sorry. I don't know what happened."

The nurse looked up at me and said, "I'm sorry mam, we're going to have to move your husband to the next room and check his vitals."

Oh, how hilarious was this moment. So much had just happened, and then I was fine. The doctor assured me everything would be fine. They had a team of people helping him and his red marks and gash on his eye. Poor guy :(   My doctor finished running my tests and Cory came in my room for a little bit. Then he just went to the car to nap after the doctors cleared him too.

It was traumatic yet stinkin' hilarious! Although the story's much better hearing it in person, hopefully most of it translated well enough. So needless to say, he didn't go to work at all that Friday. He went home and went to sleep but thankfully, no concussion.

Now my wondering is, "Was it a delivery room prophesy?" haha... oh, I hope not! My dear grandfather wisely suggested we get him a good helmet and a nice chair for the delivery room! :)
We really are working hard to try medicines to ease his queasiness and work in baby steps toward the delivery process. Good thing we have about 6 and a half months before that happens! When those of you who are faithfully praying for us to have a healthy and ease in pregnancy, please also pray that Cory can be present and conscious throughout the whole process...doctors visits, delivery, and all! I have currently gone to 2 appointments on my own with my new OB due to complications and him not able to take off work at the last minute.  This Tuesday will be his first appointment to go to since the episode. Oh, and about the complications...everything's fine and we have heard a really sweet and strong heartbeat!

Listening to that heartbeat so stirs my affections for the Creator as He is knitting our baby together in my womb.
Just like the Hannah (that I was named after in Samuel) prayed for a child and her thankfulness to the Lord was this, "For this child I have prayed and the Lord has granted me my petition that I made to Him."  1 Samuel 1:27
This is still not a treasure that is mine. God has entrusted me to care for and be a good steward of this gift that is HIS and is from Him. The day/days that I forget that are times where my treasure is ultimately not found in Him. It is a daily, sometimes hourly surrender of this baby to Him. I am beyond grateful to be this baby's mommy however long I am blessed to. May we always hold fast to the same truth that He is good, He is for us, and He does as He pleases as a Holy God.
We bless Him holy name and rejoice in His faithfulness and character!

How it happened...part 1

No, this will not be about any birds or bees so don't worry. I've been encouraged by many to blog this story, and I'd like to for my own sake also to remember the faithfulness of the Lord as well as the hilariousness of it all.

Most of you know that Cory lost his job back in February on the day that we were closing on "our house". Grief became such a close companion during that time. I wanted to blog even then about every emotion and prayer and surrender that was happening but I felt overwhelmed to write. I feel strongly about writing about what the Lord very lovingly, but fiercely taught me during that time. That will have to be for another post though :). 

Because we were about to close on the house, we had already put in our notice at our apartment which meant that we had nowhere to go. I was about to start my new job nannying the very next week and Cory was unemployed so there was no apartment complex that would even approve us. We asked our families, friends, and church family to pray for us. A family from our church opened up their home for us to live with them for several months. During this time, I started my new job as Cory searched for a new one. I started nannying for a family with 3 kids and we lived with a family with 3 kids. Of all the times that birth control would be on my mind, it wasn't. The Lord was doing a great work in my heart to prepare me. I had continuously felt a strong direction from God that it was time to start a family. "Really? We have no job, no money, no house, and no real stability. Am I making this up or is this from You?" From the world's standards, we would be outside of our minds to bring a child into the world but the sweet peace came in Him reminding me that it would be all Him for His glory and His purpose...not my own. 

So with that, I continued surrendering it back to Him whenever I thought of it and prayed for it. I didn't talk to Cory about it. There have been times in the past where we have both said out of emotions and baby fever, "We want a baby!" I didn't want to go to Cory with this notion of "baby fever" and attempt to convince him that it's time. So, I prayed for him...and I waited. I prayed that whenever the time was right that God would strongly lead Cory in that. A few months went by and then one Sunday afternoon, we ordered pizza, went to the park, and were throwing a frisbee in the shade. There are some times in life that I can look back and so distinctly remember every detail about it because of the power of the presence of the Holy Spirit in that moment. This was one of these times. I had been faithfully praying for my husband, for my heart to surrender and be patient, and for the Lord to reveal Himself to us in a greater way. We were talking about many random things that then led into serious talk all while the frisbee is still going. Cory then said, "I know this may sound crazy because I don't have a job and because of all that's happening, but I've been praying about it a lot and really feel like it's time to start a family." 

I was in shock.... Why? For some reason it surprised me that God was faithful in that. Of course His faithfulness would abound. That is His character. I rejoiced so greatly in that moment as we did together while I shared with him my heart on it. Two days later, he got the job at Schneider Electric! We had a few months of negative pregnancy tests later seeing His provision and protection in those. 

The first month, I would not have been covered on insurance yet and it would have counted as a "pre-existing condition". The second month, I had oral surgery and needed anesthesia which apparently you cannot have if you are pregnant and believe me, for this surgery, I did NOT want to be awake. I had a random tooth coming out in the roof of my mouth that they removed along with my wisdom teeth. Crazy I know. I praise the Lord for allowing me to not be pregnant in that moment...put me out!

A few weeks after the surgery, I was able to go on a retreat with people that I serve with at church. It was a sweet time with friends and especially hearing from the Lord. It was another time where I can remember every detail of those moments that led me to the point of surrender. I was really struggling to believe that God is good. I didn't even realize that I had been. When Cory lost his job, I knew that God was a faithful God, but looking back, I struggled deeply and still was struggling to BELIEVE that He is a good God and He is for us, for me. I thought surely He will provide but this is just like God to take away something to teach me a lesson. At this retreat, He gently but ferociously revealed His goodness to me and gave me the faith to believe and rest in it!

My righteousness and obedience is not what saves me and justifies me before the throne above. Jesus Christ paid the price on the cross for me already. I don't have to do anything to please God in order for Him to like me more. He is pleased. He looks at me and calls me "daughter". He sees me as spotless, blameless. With a God like that whose faithfulness in delivering a broken world by sending a Savior to us and fulfilling that promise, I don't have to earn His favor. He is FOR me. I'm not talking prosperity gospel here but I am saying that resting completely in knowing that whatever has happened to me, whatever will happen to me, it has ALL come through His hands and been allowed by Him. He is not surprised. He cares for me and wants me to know Him more intimately. That is why He allows things. He has the ultimate power to stop or allow anything because He's God and He is good. He gives and takes away. Blessed be His name! 

I love the line in the song that says, 

"Whatever my lot, God has taught me to say, 'It is well. It is well with my soul.'" 

Resting in His goodness and having the ability to see it came right here in this moment as I journaled and prayed for hours. I found this cozy spot on this lovely red swing as a storm had just come through. It was June but the wind was blowing, and it was a breezy few hours I spent out there. 

I serve in Little Village at church. I teach 3 year olds a story from the Bible each weekend. The point is not for them to leave with knowing every detail of the story but to be able to grab hold of a foundational truth that is so etched in their minds as we pray that the Holy Spirit writes it on their hearts. Every story we tell, there is one foundational truth that it comes back to. Our foundational truths are:

God is in charge of everything
God made everything
God wants to talk with us
Jesus came to save sinners
and... God is good.

So, as I'm at retreat, I also had been preparing to teach for the weekend. Guess which foundational truth I was teaching to 3 year olds?! God is good. I told them the parable in Matthew 13 about the treasure hidden in a field. ‎"The kingdom of heaven is like TREASURE hidden in a field, which a man found and covered up. Then in his JOY he goes and sells all that he has and buys that field." Matthew 13:44. 

I journaled about many treasures that I was being asked to surrender not for God to steal my joy but ultimately, to bring me the greatest joy in Him. He is the sweetest treasure. I want to treasure Him and His kingdom above all else.
I really wanted to be a mother. He had already purposed a desire in my heart and in Cory's heart and so why hadn't it happened yet? Conviction led to repentance, which led to a sweet surrender. I cried as I wrote these words but sincerely meant them, "If I'm never able to be a mom or own a home or be overseas as a missionary or work in a children's ministry, you are enough and you are good. I have all I need in You." I have desires and passions that are so deep within my heart that I so badly want but giving those dreams to Him knowing that I can TRUST Him for His goodness was so freeing!

So, this brings us to the third month which was a few weeks after retreat. Well, the third month we were in Louisiana for my niece's first birthday party. I had the week off while the family I work for went to the beach. I stayed until Wednesday of that week in Louisiana to visit with a few friends and family and Cory went back that Sunday. Oh and by the way, all this time, I had stopped drinking diet coke and started eating super healthy. That Wednesday, I woke up and felt it. Girls, you know what I'm talking about. The feeling the day before you start. Blehhh. I texted Cory and told him, "I'm 100% sure we are not pregnant. I'll be starting tomorrow." 

So with that, on my way home I drank 3 diet cokes and had like 2 or 3 cups of coffee that day. No big deal. I'm not pregnant and I needed caffeine to stay awake on the drive back alone. I came home, had dinner with Cory, and then went to the bathroom to take the test. Just for fun and because we had one. I thought, "Why not? I have one left. I might as well." Took it and remember saying out loud, "You are good" believing in that moment that positive or negative, He is a good God no matter what. I had already come to grips with not being pregnant that month. 

Well, it was + ! I ran out and screeched it to Cory! I didn't do anything to deserve it. It was just His timing and all a part of His plan that we cannot even begin to understand the depth of. I was speechless and so humbled that He would consider us worthy to be parents. Then, I didn't believe it so we went to Walmart and bought more pregnancy tests. Two tests later, we were sure! 

You will have to read part 2 to find out the story about my first appointment. It's kind of epic...in a terrible way. :) 

We have news...

We have an announcement to make--

On this Steiner road,

we have a BUMP AHEAD....

We are rejoicing for the sweet blessing of life the Lord has created! His faithfulness, goodness, and provision is perfect. We will be 9 weeks tomorrow!!!

March 10, 2o13 is our "LS" (little Steiner's) estimated time of arrival!

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New post coming soon!  :-)